I've always had insomniac/narcoleptic tendencies, you would think they would cancel each other out and I would just be "normal". For the last few years I've been feeling more comfortable with my normal. I would try not to feel guilty for getting 9 hours of sleep while others were getting an interrupted 6 hours because they were up with babies. I figured my turn would come and I'd enjoy sleeping in while I could. I guess my turn has arrive but with studying instead.
For the last 2-3 weeks I've been complaining to Chris that going to bed at 2 am and averaging 5-6 hours a night is getting old. I hate feeling like I'm turning in homework that is just good enough because there just isn't more time. But lately I've been feeling very short on time and not very balanced. I kept hearing myself say things like, "Maybe I'll shave next week." or "I think I'll have an hour to buy groceries in two days." On Friday I had big plans to really dress up and put on eyeliner, but once I was getting ready I was saying, "No time. No time." and didn't even put on eyeshadow. And curl my hair? I can't remember the last time I even considered it. On Thursday, after an hour nap which brought my sleep for the day up to 5 hours, I was scaring myself because I has having an extra hard time separating dreams from real life. "Did I cancel that hair appointment for real or only while sleeping?" I don't like feeling this rushed and unbalanced.
Yesterday I started feeling sick but still didn't go to bed until 11:30 pm. I hoped I would sleep in then assumed I would stay up late to work on homework. When I woke up at 5:30 this morning with Chris as he left to go play golf with Kener and I felt pretty miserable. I would have liked to go to bed and sleep it off but it just wasn't happening. I got up to work on a few papers I have due this week but that just wasn't happening either. Luckily I had a novel I needed to finish for my Aging Families class and I stayed in bed reading for a few hours. Once Chris got back this afternoon we went out and ran a few errands. By 6:30 pm I stayed in the car for the last stops and started to fall asleep. I thought now was my chance to go to sleep early, get 12 hours of healing sleep and wake up early to have a productive day. Not the case, I woke up at 10:45 pm to pee and there was no way I was falling back to sleep. I guess it's a good thing, this is prime study time, no distractions.
It's becoming more common for me to only want/need 6 hours of sleep. This is coming from the girl that is typically a zombie if I get less than 10 hours. In some ways getting minimal sleep is getting old but I'll confess I'm also kind of happy. I’ve been told more than once that I couldn’t be a successful student because I sleep so much. That I wouldn’t be a good mom because I sleep too much. Essentially, that I won’t get far in life because I’m sleeping through it. Well, I could never control how tired I was before but hopefully this will be a good, productive change for me. I’m so grateful I’m in school right now because I feel I am expanding my horizons and learning so much. I just didn’t think that would include life skills of how to power through exhaustion.
Alright, now that I’m all warmed up, time to write a few papers. This is really a lot of self talk of an exhausted student but why not post it to the World Wide Web.
The music video's weird but this has been my theme song lately. "Ain't No Rest for the Wicked." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5t99bpilCKw
